The Goodness of God

I have often wondered how the goodness of God affects our lives. A lot of people have a mental paradigm that says, The Lord is just waiting for me to screw up. Now I've had a lot of experience with pain and suffering, some circumstances were outside my control, others were direct consequences of my choices. But how does the goodness of The Lord flow through when I have freewill?

One experience that changed my life happened a few years ago. I was in a rut, I worked for a nationwide super company in sales and middle management. I liked the checks but I felt my soul die a little every time I went to work. Now that being said, I am not someone to quit easily.nor give up good income. I was invited by my former roommate to Godstock a couple hours away.

Getting time off on a weekend was nigh impossible, but I was blessed to get my time off approved. That weekend during worship with Rick Pino, I heard The Lord speak clearly that I would be moving to this small town in the sticks. And just like every "good Christian girl". I told The Lord he'd have to take my job from me before I'd move here. Now you better believe if you box God in to moving in your life only through the most painful situations instead of choosing to lean into the change coming.
It took me another eight and a half months to end up where God was calling me. And you might be thinking I was in trouble with God for taking so long to get there. But he began an incredibly sweet journey that August to rediscovering my heart.

Before I moved and even as details were coming together I felt the sacrifice was too great for me to handle, the truth is, the blessing after the sacrifices made the
move far outweighed anything left behind. I developed my gifting, found a beautiful and loving community of believers that challenged and invested in me as I learned to share life in an incubator of the things of The Lord. I watched the perspective I had about The Lord change from a God I needed to impress to catch his attention, to a God who wants to be in an epic romance with me!

Better is One Day in your Courts

     Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. I long to be taken to the house of the Lord and transplanted into the courts of our God. All the Days of my life I want to look into your fiery eyes and see your delight over me on your face, to live out my life leaning on my Beloved. I put all else behind, setting it aside, for it can never compare to the sweetness of your presence, oh God. 
     There is no where else to go where I can find the refreshing and love of the Father wash over my weary soul. How sweet is your gaze on me Father that you lavish your delight and goodness on your daughter. I have tasted and seen the good works of my Father, I have drank from your cup and been refreshed by your pools of living water. I am ravished by your love, I cannot stand under the depth, height, and breadth of your love. Every passing moment deepens the love you lavish on me, I never want to be separated from you.  I praise you for teaching my heart to love like your heart! I want to be a vessel of your love, an open portal of it to Earth. I want to wait here in the presence of my God and King and pour my love on you like sweet oil.               


     You have declared me worthy of the love you lavish on me, you look into my eyes and say I am enough.   Enough to fight for and protect, to cherish as precious and valuable. I am a piece of your heart and you are mine. I belong to you, all of me laid out before the very Creator of the world and I cannot be hidden from you. I cannot hide from all of you and the love you created before the foundations of the earth that was on your heart so desperately you created me to lavish that love on! I was more than a twinkle in my mother's eye those many years ago, I was a dream you carried for thousands of years in your heart, a wish you breathed into existence in my mothers womb. You didn't stop there, you have more than a dream for me you breathed dreams into my heart before I could speak, so that I could find delight in this place, and find delight in relationship with my maker. As we go hand in hand to fulfill the dreams you whispered in my ears before I was even born, you saw the desires there and you created me to find those dreams and desires so I could understand more fully the goodness of my Father. 
     Father God, thank you for loving me so completely, you've never left me or forsaken me. you sing joyous songs of your delight over me and have ravished my heart with this love that is so big I cannot contain 1% of your love even that portion is to great for me to hold. Again I sit in awe at the Father who never ceases to show up in my life, to answer my questions, and meet me in the secret place. I am never removed from your burning gaze, i long for more of You, more of You, even more of You! 
     Take me away, with you Lord. I am blown away by the good things you prepare in advance for me, good gifts from my Father, I have no lack. My heart is glad and I will sing the praises of my God. You have hemmed me in, behind and before. I am sealed, sealed in you. Wanna get lost in your presence, wanna be sealed in you. 

Diary of a Mad Woman: How Not to Be An Asshole When You Grow Up

Diary of a Mad Woman: How Not to Be An Asshole When You Grow Up

Psalm 139:5

Psalm 139:5 You go before me and you follow me.You place your hand of blessing on my head.NLT
Psalm 139:17 How precious are your thoughts about me O God, they cannot be numbered.NLT

      Reading through the top verse, Id forgotten how I had clung to that promise that you go before me and prepare a way, the NIV says I am hemmed in behind and before. To me that speaks to protection, being hemmed in on all sides not only am I surrounded by you But I am sealed in YOU! That is the place I renew my strength, where the reproach of the world is washed away, as I am drawn into the arms of my Beloved.

     I am blown away by your promises and how irrevocable they are, these things you whispered over me in my childhood that still are whispered over my life today.Your faithful promises are my armor and protection. Last night I was prophesied over that you are singing over me colorful songs of Joy. I thank you that I get to live out Zephaniah 3:17 For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a might savior. He will delight in you with gladness. With his love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Not only do you sing your songs of Joy over my life, but your love calms every fear. Every one because perfect loves cast out fear, so I get to live in a place where fear cannot stand, surrounded in your love and goodness.

Breakthrough

I know you are worthy and worthy to be praised. I need your intimacy Lord. I need to see your promise that I'm going to be okay. I know you never leave me or forsake me. I have no doubt my deliverer is coming I just want to know when! I long for more of you, my heart burns with this desire. It is eating from the deep of me consuming everything. There is nothing left and I am nothing without you. I do not doubt your goodness surpasses anything I could think or imagine or desire. Nothing I want is more than all of you! Your mercies are new every morning, your face shines like the dawn. I want to be caught by your gaze, I need you to look at me and be my all consuming fire. I need your waters to rush over me, wash me in your love oh Lord.  Take hold of me in the midst of the storm; only you are my strong tower and I am hidden in you. I seated in heavenly places and an over-comer by the blood of the lamb and by the word of my testimony. Every breath is a testimony of your faithfulness, every thought proof of your intimate design in me. I was knit together in your perfect design, planted in the courts of my God. I will flourish like the cedars of Lebanon. My God is a God of Love. This love is too deep, its more than I can take. Release your love over every chain over every wall. There is breakthrough in a minute, my  beloved is never outside of my heart and I am never outside his. We are in and around and woven together, separate but one. Your breath is my breath and every word from your mouth is all I need to survive. I cannot stand on yesterday's portion. I am desperate for the honey of your lips, shatter anything that stands between. I will be lost in you this is the cry of my heart. I don't want to stand without you not even for a moment I cant stand any separation I need you more I need you more. Come make war on any other lover. I want it all bring me your fire bring me your rain. Im falling into you falling falling falling into you. Deeper deeper. I want into your secret place; deeper into the place of intimacy, call me forward into the most holy place and kiss me with the kisses of your mouth. Come make war, this day we fight, this day we fight. Here I am send me, Lord. I am a mighty warrior for our God a woman on fire. So bring your fire and breath on me, burn away the arrows of the enemy, wash me in your truth baptize me in your fire,Holy One. You are a good good God and You move toward me even before I could think to step toward you. You know all of me within and without. Revelation 3.I was built for this, I was built for war. With a sword in one hand and a staff in the other I go with my beloved to make war. You are coming and coming soon, come make war, come make war. Prepare my heart to go after all I am in you. There is nothing better than your furious and desperate love, you rescue me from the Fowler's snare and hold me up. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. bring your light where the darkness has prevailed set the captives free, set the captives free Righteous One, Holy One of my desire. More father, more father, dressed as my bridegroom riding on a white horse. The Lion is coming, closer closer now. The Lord is a jealous lover who desires my heart and will consume every enemy. Nothing shall stand between my lover and I. All of it, I want it all, nothing less will satisfy, nothing less will satisfy me. Awaken Sons and Daughters of the most high, awaken, arise. There is fire in my eye for my beloved, I am quick to rescue my beloved. I will not stand to be separated from my bride. I am desperate for the wholeness and fullness of your kingdom, come quickly my beloved, come quickly. I long for your return, I hunger for more of your presence. Everything combined until now is but a drop on the tongue of all my desire for you. Deep cries out in moans and groans unutterable. Every cells cries for your return, every molecule Longs to hear the voice of my beloved, I want to be found watching and awaiting the return of my beloved. More of you, I long for more of you!

Winds of Change Abrewin'

I wish I could tell you what tomorrow will bring. That information is higher than myself, however,
I can tell you take every part of your life and examine it. Now turn it on its side and look at it again. Look at how it interacts with every other part.  maybe turn it upside down and see if anything falls out. What if the Jungle you were created to hack through and cut path in was your heart? What if you were made to discover that you are Amazing? What if everyone around you were impacted and you going after who you really are and shamelessly hacking everything else away shifts your family, or friends, or workplace. What if you took a giant leap without any reservation? What would that look like? What if it meant changing your living situation? What if it meant getting a different job? or learning a language? or reading a book? How far is too far to go after your dream? What if your family didn't approve? What if you didn't have any solid proof of success? WHAT IF YOU FAIL?
What if this month you went hard after your dreams and didn't leave room for all the reasons you CANT have it?  What would it look like to cut pathway where there isn't yet, and really take the road less traveled?
I need to change my living space, my job and my priorities to achieve what I want, and those are first steps. A wonderful friend pushed on me and asked, what are your options. not logical ones but anything? And I went through some pretty ridiculous options but the point is I'm not stuck. I am not a victim to my circumstances! I am a strong and flexible woman, and I am going to take the step before March 31! either a new job and a new place or a new job and a plan out of my place. but things are a movin' and a shakin'.

Introverts are more fun

So today I watched an amazing video on introversion by Sarah Cain on Ted.com posted by an amazing introverted woman I know and admire, Robin. I know the world isn't actually extroverted in fact the most common statistic I've found is extroverts are 49% of the population in the US. I believe it just seems that there are more of us because we are louder. In all actuality in my relationships I tend to look for people who are introverted, that is a characteristic I value in relationships. **disclaimer I am not extremely extroverted rather I am just on the extroverted side of the middle. The biggest struggle I face has to be that I am a relational learner and a verbal processor. I learn best in group settings, where we verbalize everything. I was totally the kid in school who asked a million questions and raised my hand to answer everything and contrary to popular belief it wasn't because I like to hear myself talk. I do not crave the limelight and long for everyone to look at me. I long to be valued greatly by a few. I am amazed by the creative genius in some of my friends that are less in favor of a lot of stimuli. I don't need someone to fix my problems but to hear me so I can verbalize what I need to then go on about my day. I don't work well isolated for long periods! I really do recharge around people.

Anyone else inside my clothes is too close...

Boundaries and bubbles
I am realizing how often I pushed my way into others lives by hopping over the fence of their heart. I don't know that I would have had any friends my age in high school. I have been reflecting on relationships and though I don't regret them I do have so many things in my life to lay down! A lot of the struggles I have had are communicating strong boundaries for myself without pulling away.
John 10: 1-5

Where is the line between honor and boundaries? This question has been a battle. Simply stated sometimes I have a hard time expressing my own needs without guilt or shame, especially if I see it hit someone else hard. I've gotten better since I am capable of saying no, however I still feel I have to justify declining. Isn't that the same as apologizing for existing, you know the people that are so uncomfortable in the space they take up, they over apologize.
I want to own the space I take up proudly and move in the fullness of what God has for me. I cannot take hold of anything until I believe I can have it. Boundaries give me the parameters of good stewardship allowing me to take care of what Is mine and Not what isn't mine.
One person's poor planning does not make an emergency on my part. I cannot save people from themselves. However by setting boundaries for myself I allow others to be themselves. It allows me to be consistent not double-minded.

Dare to Dream?

So today in dream group I confessed I have a hard time validating my emotions because they don't apply to logic and decisions are based out of logic and reasoning. So as we discussed these things I realized at some point in my life I agreed with the lie that if i did the responsible thing then at some point I would be able to do the things I am most passionate about in my free time. The ever elusive future sometime that is never a tangible date. You'd think verses like 'hope deferred makes the heart sick' would shed light into this cavernous responsibility vacuum that sucks all of my time, energy, and resources. The Lord has asked me this question, 'what do you want?' simple enough, right? This question haunts me for one simple reason;
Do I think I'm WORTH the risk to ante all of me?

My daddy owns the cattle on a thousand hills and knit me together intimately created in his delight so why wouldn't I be created with desires just as I was created out of his desire? Why do I think any perceived lack could or should hold me back from all I have been created to posses and have dominion over?
If I leave my inheritance laying on the table where does it really go? It's still serving something. All of my journey has been leading to an epic battle already won, the battle for my destiny.

Dream a little dream for me

This month of love and relationship has been a journey into a place I rarely have allowed myself to dwell, my heart! It seems silly but for the few of us girls who are rarely super emotional and handle things better in the areas of logic and reasoning this has been a trying journey to say the least. About the end of January I felt the Lord was asking me, What is on your heart? Share your heart's desires with me. To which I promptly decided no was a sufficient answer. I experienced quite overwhelming panic. How can I share the desires of my heart even with the Lord because then if they didnt happen I would be crushed. An unrealized unacknowleged dream was a much better option, or was it? So slowly and slightly begrudgingly I have begun to lay out the desires of my heart. Who knew I would turn into a blubbering idiot? This girl! Here I am, and one of the easiest things to push into, I long to write a book. There its out now, And I cant deny it any longer. Everything from my desire to be a wife and mother, to traveling to Argentina. I ended up at an acquintances house who spoke on passions and encouraging one another's dream and the idea of a group that comes together to support dreams! So I am laying down the obstacles and pushing headlong into the deep. I dont want to excuse why I cant have the desires of my heart anymore. I have a creator who longs to see the desires of my heart fulfilled, he who knit them there before the begining of time is asking me to trust and release in wholeness who I am. Moving into full agreement with who I am shifts others into agreement with who they are! I am learning to agree with my Identity in all areas and hopefully my part with begin to impact a climate of people walking in who they were created to be, free from mere obligation and released into passion and liberated seasons of glory to glory.

Isolation, Shame, and Disappointment

Three schemes of the enemy causing them to question their Identity and the love of the Lord. How important it is to reach out and grab hold of one person to stand with you and agree! Do anything to stand and agree with one person today right now! That you are the delight of the Lord! (Zeph. 3:17). You are worth dying for!( John 3:16). You were made on purpose to fulfill a dream the Lord had about you before you were even conceived (Psalm 139). Everyone has skeletons in the closet( Romans 8:21-24) but Christ died for you before you could help yourself to his grace to redeem the crooked places and make our paths straight. Jesus is not overwhelmed by your secret, He is not shocked by your weakness, He already sees your heart and he says YOU ARE STILL WORTH IT ALL!If you think you let God down because you failed, maybe you screwed up royally! SO WHAT!!! You don't hold God up so how can you let him down? How long are you gonna let your shame be the reason you run from God? No matter how far you go, He is everywhere. He already sees you and he longs to take away your shame, and the things that have been written all over you. He wants to reveal what has been written on your heart before the ages. A great love story he has planned for you with great adventure, and hope, joy, a great rescue, an everlasting Hero. This is not by accident, you are where you are reading this for a purpose. He has plans for you! Not to be a religious drone of do's and dont's. He has called you to passion and risk, great expectation, purpose, you are the answer to a question not yet asked! Don't let disappointment make you believe you've missed the divine appointment He has for you. Did someone walk out of your life? Thank God for removing anything less than the fullness of His blessing! Does it still hurt maybe so but its a temporary hurt and it will bring something better!! Isaiah 40
Even youths shall faint and be weary and young men shall fall exhausted, but they who wait (twist together like a thread or garment) for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
I want to be completely twisted together with you Father! weave me as a beautiful fabric, I will wait upon you and rest in your Goodness!!!
My notes
Perry Stone's Message from Winter Ramp in Dalton Georgia as heard on theramp.org

Living Above Every Circumstance and Beyond Every Limitation

  As a woman I long to have security and protection  and a covering I can flourish under. My hearts desire is to be an industrious, pure, compassionate woman. One promise released over the year of 2012 is a sifting of motives. Lord I want to be sifted so that my heart, soul and body are pure in motive, and desires to bring about the fullness of Who I am to be recognized. I choose to allow the Lord to send my roots deep into His love so I can live above any circumstance. I choose to reach out and love people around me even if it hurts and I am not loved in return. I am an over-comer and I know my life will wage war on isolation.
I need you, you need me.
We're all a part of God's body.
Stand with me, agree with me.
We're all a part of God's body.

It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
(repeat 3X)

I pray for you, You pray for me.
I love you, I need you to survive.
I won't harm you with words from my mouth.
I love you, I need you to survive.
(repeat 8 X)

It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive. 3


When I first heard this I didn't understand the importance of being connected and 'for' each other.


Inspiration by:
1) Theramp.org podcast by Damon Thompson on 1-15-2012
2) Matthew 10
3)Hezekiah Walker's "I need you to survive"

Operation Refuge Launch in Des Moines, IA

Sat. January 28th, 2012

In a humble church in Ankeny, IA on a regular Saturday morning socio-economic, ethnic, religious, and cultural barriers were declared war zones. Over 45 organizations came together to contend for the best in our home state and build bridges over the next 12 months. Delivering our finest services to people who are looking for solutions to real life opportunities. We are working together to bring hope and restoration to a state of refuge. Currently lanes into Operation Refuge will be providing counseling, rehabilitation, emergency response in disaster areas, equine therapy, prayer, discipleship, food, shelter and clothing with more lanes to be added over the next 30 days. We long to be the answer to unity and wholeness physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually. An idea so large one organization could not possibly sponsor, but the weight of which could only be carried by all its parts fighting to come together, laying aside preconceived notions and saying "We need you to survive". Birthed in fertile soil, plowed by greats like Martin Luther King Jr who dared to dream something crazy; much bigger than one man but changing a nation forever. Thank you to all the saints who poured their love, prayers, sweat and tears into our land. We couldn't have done it without you!

If you want information on Operation Refuge visit this website   http://www.operationrefuge.org/MAIN/