Winds of Change Abrewin'

I wish I could tell you what tomorrow will bring. That information is higher than myself, however,
I can tell you take every part of your life and examine it. Now turn it on its side and look at it again. Look at how it interacts with every other part.  maybe turn it upside down and see if anything falls out. What if the Jungle you were created to hack through and cut path in was your heart? What if you were made to discover that you are Amazing? What if everyone around you were impacted and you going after who you really are and shamelessly hacking everything else away shifts your family, or friends, or workplace. What if you took a giant leap without any reservation? What would that look like? What if it meant changing your living situation? What if it meant getting a different job? or learning a language? or reading a book? How far is too far to go after your dream? What if your family didn't approve? What if you didn't have any solid proof of success? WHAT IF YOU FAIL?
What if this month you went hard after your dreams and didn't leave room for all the reasons you CANT have it?  What would it look like to cut pathway where there isn't yet, and really take the road less traveled?
I need to change my living space, my job and my priorities to achieve what I want, and those are first steps. A wonderful friend pushed on me and asked, what are your options. not logical ones but anything? And I went through some pretty ridiculous options but the point is I'm not stuck. I am not a victim to my circumstances! I am a strong and flexible woman, and I am going to take the step before March 31! either a new job and a new place or a new job and a plan out of my place. but things are a movin' and a shakin'.

Introverts are more fun

So today I watched an amazing video on introversion by Sarah Cain on Ted.com posted by an amazing introverted woman I know and admire, Robin. I know the world isn't actually extroverted in fact the most common statistic I've found is extroverts are 49% of the population in the US. I believe it just seems that there are more of us because we are louder. In all actuality in my relationships I tend to look for people who are introverted, that is a characteristic I value in relationships. **disclaimer I am not extremely extroverted rather I am just on the extroverted side of the middle. The biggest struggle I face has to be that I am a relational learner and a verbal processor. I learn best in group settings, where we verbalize everything. I was totally the kid in school who asked a million questions and raised my hand to answer everything and contrary to popular belief it wasn't because I like to hear myself talk. I do not crave the limelight and long for everyone to look at me. I long to be valued greatly by a few. I am amazed by the creative genius in some of my friends that are less in favor of a lot of stimuli. I don't need someone to fix my problems but to hear me so I can verbalize what I need to then go on about my day. I don't work well isolated for long periods! I really do recharge around people.

Anyone else inside my clothes is too close...

Boundaries and bubbles
I am realizing how often I pushed my way into others lives by hopping over the fence of their heart. I don't know that I would have had any friends my age in high school. I have been reflecting on relationships and though I don't regret them I do have so many things in my life to lay down! A lot of the struggles I have had are communicating strong boundaries for myself without pulling away.
John 10: 1-5

Where is the line between honor and boundaries? This question has been a battle. Simply stated sometimes I have a hard time expressing my own needs without guilt or shame, especially if I see it hit someone else hard. I've gotten better since I am capable of saying no, however I still feel I have to justify declining. Isn't that the same as apologizing for existing, you know the people that are so uncomfortable in the space they take up, they over apologize.
I want to own the space I take up proudly and move in the fullness of what God has for me. I cannot take hold of anything until I believe I can have it. Boundaries give me the parameters of good stewardship allowing me to take care of what Is mine and Not what isn't mine.
One person's poor planning does not make an emergency on my part. I cannot save people from themselves. However by setting boundaries for myself I allow others to be themselves. It allows me to be consistent not double-minded.

Dare to Dream?

So today in dream group I confessed I have a hard time validating my emotions because they don't apply to logic and decisions are based out of logic and reasoning. So as we discussed these things I realized at some point in my life I agreed with the lie that if i did the responsible thing then at some point I would be able to do the things I am most passionate about in my free time. The ever elusive future sometime that is never a tangible date. You'd think verses like 'hope deferred makes the heart sick' would shed light into this cavernous responsibility vacuum that sucks all of my time, energy, and resources. The Lord has asked me this question, 'what do you want?' simple enough, right? This question haunts me for one simple reason;
Do I think I'm WORTH the risk to ante all of me?

My daddy owns the cattle on a thousand hills and knit me together intimately created in his delight so why wouldn't I be created with desires just as I was created out of his desire? Why do I think any perceived lack could or should hold me back from all I have been created to posses and have dominion over?
If I leave my inheritance laying on the table where does it really go? It's still serving something. All of my journey has been leading to an epic battle already won, the battle for my destiny.